My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
