So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
