how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
