You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i think im in europe. pls send help
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
