you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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