She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I wish there were birth control emojis
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
