i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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