So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
