I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize