So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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