Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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