The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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