apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
