I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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