I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
