I cockslap morals
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
