he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
