I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
