spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize