Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
