His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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