"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
