as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
