Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
