dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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