This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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