you guys were way drunker than both of me
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
