So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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