Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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