A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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