I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
