He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
