everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
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I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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