i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa