my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.