I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
21 People That Are Skilled At Illegal Activities
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.