If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off