i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything