Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
