why didn't you poke me back
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
