my sisters under your porch take her home
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
