I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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