i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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