your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
