Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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