I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
