Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
