I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My vagina is officially offended.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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