Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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