So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
