You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize