He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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