if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
