just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
