tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize