you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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