I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
