Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
