There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
