hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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