I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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