My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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