you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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