I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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