On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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