There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
