Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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