I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
