I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
