I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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