my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
