my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize