Banned from zoo.
Again?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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